I've decided to live healthily, well at least try to. Since the new years I've been going for a walk/jog/run around the park near my house at least once a week, for this week I've gone three times. Yay, for progress! I've also picked up core workouts, more specifically workouts to get rid of my disgusting fat thighs. I shouldn't have let myself go so much the last couple of years. I just hope I keep this routine up. Hoping that I won't be too exhausted to continue this routine when I've started work. Oh, by the very way, I landed a job! I start mid of February and it's a job that I've been struggling and waiting ever so patiently to land. Persistence! and well, contacts ha-ha. Second yay! I'm growing up. *pats self*

I know why I'm doing what I'm doing, I just don't think what I'm doing is a good idea, but I just can't stop. I'm trying to salvage whatever that's left of my feelings but I can't seem to get past the things that seem to irritate me so immensely. Distraction seems like the easiest option for temporary relief. Every now and then, I'll catch myself recalling the moments where I would be so madly blind with love that nothing could irritate enough to sway me. I don't understand what had possibly caused me to come to this point. I keep hearing people say that there will always be someone better and that I should appreciate the person who chose me because firstly, I took the chance and chose him too, I was happy with him once before and what makes me so great that there isn't anyone better for that person. I'm trying, I'm trying to get back to where we were a few months back, I was happy, I wanted him, but no matter how much I tried, I can't seem to get back to that place and I feel that it's just unfair. I can't bring myself to be more forthcoming about the situation. Instead, I'm just slowly pushing him away like a coward that I am, hoping that he would be the one to call it quits. It's pathetic, I know it. I know I'm hurting him and he did mention that he felt like he was losing me. It hurt because I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. He's been trying so hard and I'm just being a real dick about it. I shouldn't drag it along. I really shouldn't.

I met a person who writes as beautiful as he is beautiful. My thoughts are mostly of him yet, later full of guilt as I realise that I should be thinking of the man who spends his time to impress and satiate me. I'm home totally smashed after spending the night getting my best friend drunk. Yes, I said it, getting my best friend drunk. She is absolutely beautiful in every way possible. She's not the sort that is totally dramatic but in a way still very feminine, she has an ego of a man but still very understanding as a women. I guess that's totally understandable to see why the men who have spent enough time with her, fall absolutely head over heels for her subtle yet suggestive charm. She watches football (English kind) when it's on, she can relate to it while drinking her very manly Guinness stout, so, what would you actually dislike about her unless, of course, her delightfulness is just too overwhelming for you. On another note, It's half past five in the morning and I'm beginning to slur. I'd really like to continue writing, but as of right now, I guess the intoxicant it running low and i'm running out of ideas. I think I best let myself sleep as to save myself from further embarrassment.

I ended the year and started a new one with my morals out the window. To be honest, I've actually spent the last couple of months of 2013 with my morals lacking. I know what I should do, it's probably the best thing to do but it is by far the hardest thing to ever do. Well, at least it is for me. How do you end something so suddenly. Starting is always easy but ending it before starting something else is a different thing. I know i'm being pretty vague but better vague than totally blunt. Plus, who knows, someone I know that shouldn't know of my careless doings may somehow stumble upon this blog and well, not like what he or she is reading. Am I right or am I right? I'm going to take the weekend to decide whether I'm going to grow some non-existent balls or to be a selfish inconsiderate chicken shit. Wish me luck!