I rolled over and let my eyes slowly adjust to the light of my room. Blinking a couple of times in the direction of the light streaming in through the curtains of the window and realising that I have probably overslept. I turned over and grabbed my cellphone to look at the time and to see whether anyone had cared enough of me to leave a text. I was right, I overslept and hey, a text message. It was 2 in the afternoon and I had received a text from my best friend telling me how awful the traffic was this morning getting to work. At least someone cares enough about me to share their early morning grumbles. I chuckled. Too late to get back to her about the morning traffic since it's 2 in the afternoon. I replied anyway about other irrelevant things. How I'd constantly wish for the day i'd be able to grumble about work or getting to work. Although, I think, I'd probably regret wishing for it once I do get a job. Whenever that will be. I stayed in bed staring at my phone looking through the usual social network sites to see the going on's of the day. My usual daily routine as soon as I'm up is to spend a couple hours in bed checking out social network sites and watching silly shared videos until I finally decide that it's time to get up, either because i'm absolutely starving or until my mum goes ballistic at my door and threatens to disown me if I don't get out of my room and be productive. Obviously she wouldn't. Anyway, after I've totally exhausted all I need to see and my stomach has started giving me random sharp stings, I decide that it's time to get out of bed. One thing I hate most about getting out of bed is that, I seem to always be sore all over so I'd always have to drag my feet while I get myself to the bathroom to wash up. Washing up is also a chore. All-in-all, I take about an hour to shower, moisturise, get clothed and groomed. Sometimes I'd wish I was born a guy, i'd probably take a quarter of the time I would now to wash up. But well, we can't always have what we want. Looking through what I've written, I realise that i spend the first few hours wishing for things that I don't or will never have. I should really change that. Negativity at the start of my day? It's no wonder I'm usually unproductive. Ha-ha.

When I look at him, I know that this time, I'm not looking at him the same way I had. When i'm with him now, I'm just more irritable than I usually am. Has he always been this way? Why haven't I noticed it earlier? or am I just noticing it now? Have I outgrown him? I've started to wonder. I seem to enjoy not being in his company. Recently, I've found it a chore to hold a conversation with him. I love him though. I'm sure of it. But, why am I feeling this way? Maybe it's just a temporary phase. It'll pass. I'm sure it will and everything will be as it was. It will definitely be as it was.

I felt... demotivated. I just couldn't bring myself to look at any more job sites. I managed to open the sites I usually do, look through the jobs that were available and I actually did manage to find a couple of somewhat appealing offers, but when I clicked on them, I lost all interest in following through. One of the offers needed me to write something about myself so that I could stand out when they look through the applications but honestly, i'm pretty tired of trying to impress someone who would probably open up my resume and not respond because on paper i'm just not up to par. Well, they think i'm not up to par, but I think i'm pretty alright. Really. At times, not getting a response or not being able to have my application followed through, kinda makes me regret not taking studies so seriously, but then again, remembering how much I enjoyed myself , if i could have a do over, i'd probably do the same darn thing all over again. I keep dreaming that one day, just one day, I'll land something and I'll be somebody great just to prove that people shouldn't be judged by a piece of paper and that everyone brilliant aren't necessarily a high achiever academically. Ah, I've just indirectly called myself brilliant. Brilliant.

A text arrived and it said that I was to send my resume to an email address immediately. Honestly, while I was busy being preoccupied with watching The Help, I really couldn't be bothered with anything else. Until of course I received another text warning me that if I didn't do so, then i'd be missing a big opportunity and that the only reason i'm jobless and whining about it is because of my own fuck up. Whoah, that got me going. An opportunity with a company that had already previously rejected me. Yay? I thought, why not right? At least, this time I've got some internal help. But I don't think it's going to be of much help really. I know i'm behaving like a pessimistic prick but it's always better to expect the worst... right? I honestly don't know how i'd actually feel if they were to reject me a second time. Nothing probably.

Left his house in a hurry thinking there was some place else more important to be, later realising that I had unnecessarily bought two packets of noodles (specifically to feed it to someone), only to end up having to eat it all alone at 2 in the morning. Why? Because the person I was supposed to be seeing left me hanging and decided not to bother letting me know that he wasn't planning on making it. There were only two things that I was most frustrated about at that point: the fact that I had to finish two packets of noodles I hadn't planned on eating and that I could have stayed on at his place to finish the movie I was watching. You're probably wondering, who is he and why was I leaving him in a hurry to feed someone else noodles? Well, lets just say, the person I was supposed to meet is the current love my life and he loves the specific noodles that I had bought, and the guy whose place I was at? He, is a good friend. A friend that I occasionally see to satisfy my curiosity.

Rejected. Once again i'm back to where I started. I thought having been rejected a few countless times before in the last couple of months would somehow numb me off it. WRONG. The feeling is still as it was the first time I received the email letting me know that I am unsuitable and that they could not and would not consider to further my application. Mind me, I am a little sore about it still, so I may be paraphrasing it in a way where it seems a lot worse they had actually put it.
Frankly, I think, I'm a lot better than this. I think I'm a capable person. Extremely capable. If only they would give me a fighting chance. I try not to be persistent, I really don't want to give off a desperate vibe, although I have come to realise now that I may be borderline desperate. So, thinking back, maybe persistence isn't such a horrid idea.
It's off-putting to keep reminding myself that there are still plenty of companies to apply to and that I shouldn't lose hope but how much can I self console/motivate before I become totally discouraged, right? And really, it's not that there aren't any jobs that are available to me, it's just that, I seem to be quite choosy when it comes to what companies i'd like to work with. Considering i'm an average graduate with very little participation when it came to campus activities, it's a no brainer to why corporate giants that i've applied to find me unsatisfactory. Oh well, I shouldn't give up. I'm sure eventually it'll happen. Hopefully sometime very soon.